Bulging leg muscles > My new 501 Levi's

I ripped my new 501 STF Levi's.

I just bought them like 2-3 weeks ago and have been wearing them everyday every time I go out, to school, with friends, whatever. There are (were) my favorites! I didn't even wash them -- I would just stuff dryer sheets in the pockets to keep them smelling good. Not that my body smells or anything. I'm kewl.

It happened this morning as I was leaving the house to go to class. Every time I leave the house, I always touch my cross hanging on my wall, kneel down, and do the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).

This time, when I went to kneel... I heard a "RRRrrrrpt!"

I look down and there is a huge ass rip near my crotch. It wasn't because of my monstrous manhood (no homo, am I kewl yet). It was a combination of the stress on the jeans and the manliness of my legs -- I have huge tree-trunk like legs. Ask anybody.

Too much Arthur.

Closer look.

What you got goin' on in there...? No homo.

Surprise!

So now that my jeans have decided to grow a vagina-like rip, I don't know if I can go back to Kohl's and get another pair. I may just have to though -- I really liked those jeans.

Oh well. RIP to my new jeans.

My pudge pudge comes in handy sometimes...

I have been a part of a local boxing gym for a while now. It's not like an aerobic boxing class you take at the YMCA or something, you get your ass beat... like in the middle up the crack... with a spiked bat (no homo). Like people from the gym actually fight amateur and win -- the 2007 National Women's Golden Glove champion goes to the gym. She's insanely good lol.

But anyway, I went in yesterday -- everything was normal AKA my shirt was soaked with Arthur mojo. Usually when the sessions wind down, we go through a circuit of ab excercises. Not today, oh no not today...

So our boxing coach grabs a stick and tells everybody to lay down in a line, face up. I'm like "ruh roh..." -- I've never been asked to do this.

So we are all laying down and our coach, stick in hand, starts walking on us! He would just walk on top of us on our abs/midsection. My reaction...

I couldn't do anything about it now, so I tightened my abs (its the feeling you get when you're trying to take a dookie)and braced to get pranced on.

It wasn't that bad.

But he did it like 20 times over.

I guess my pudge pudge comes in handy sometimes... I definitely did dookie when I got home -- stepping on my intestine's is sure to push that food out of you.

Take it ez ya'll!

Let me go just right there!

I was on the second-to-last day of my internship when I had to take a deucer. Being that I was doing something important at the time (give me the benefit of the doubt, I really was!), I held it in until I was done (no homo).

During this time of discomfort and displaying multiple episodes of intense office chair squirming, I was reminded of the time I peed my pants.

I was 20 years old.

I was in the car with my pops coming back home for the weekend from college. I was a freshman at the time with no car, so my dad would just come pick me up and help haul all my stuff back to homebase.

Have you ever just been rushed and got in the car, with the little tingle in your dingle (or pingle? I'm kewl)... but just played it off, hoping that your body could stave off the bladder attacks? This was one of those times. I've done it multiple times -- successfully holding it in for the 1.5 hour jaunt back home.

I guess the tingle in my dingle was a little stubborn this time.

Everything was going well. We're about two exits away from my house when the pee pee knocks on the door. I start busting out with my usual routines -- the shoe tap tap tappie, the squirmy wormy, thoughts about ice cream and bubble gum. Soon enough, I beat back the urine and told it who's bo$$. Whew.

We exit out and the feeling comes back -- I can't stop this feeling. I'm entering Code Red right now and nothing's working. Everything that could go bad was happening -- we were hitting all the red lights in heavy traffic.

"Papa, I gotta go pee!"
"Hold it."
"Just let me pee right there on the side of the road"
"No."

My mind was racing. I NEED to go right now!

"Let me go right there!"
"No, we are almost home."
"Ah...Ahhhh... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

On that last "AHHHHH", the dam sprung a leak. My hands were pressed against the window and the other seat. Looking down, I start seeing a wet spot seeping through my shorts. Growing bigger... bigger... bigger.

I've peed my pants as a grown man.

My dad finally pulls into the 7-11 and I pee the rest out, knowing damn well that it doesn't matter -- the damage as been done. Passerbys were looking, pointing, smiling.

The car drive home was silent and awkward as ever. I didn't even want to be seen.



I swear my pops still remembers that -- every time I bring it up, a little smirk creeps onto his face.

But oh well, you gotta just laugh it off. I'm still a bo$$...... right? ;]

Awkward Work Story

Ever come into work late? Ever have to make up time at the end of the day? It happens to me every once in a while -- whoever invented the Snooze button was a genius... but shit, it eff's me up the butt sometimes *pause*.

Well the other day I was late to work and had to make it up by staying over a little bit more. No big deal. 4 o'clock hits. People start trudging out the door to enjoy reality, trickling out the big company doors only to face the asphalt abomination that is I-405. Eventually only one remains, King Arthur the Intern.

Another hour passes and I'm dunzo! I pack my stuff and head for the elevator. While waiting for the elevator to hit (I'm on the 5th floor), I start getting the bubble guts. You know the feeling, where all the fart and gas that you've been bottling up the whole day that starts seeping out once you start to get up and move. The feeling that makes you regret eating that 99 cent beef and potato burrito. Yeah, that feeling.

I think to myself, "Heheh nobody's here Arthur, don't worry. Just loose once you get in. You're a bo$$."

Once I step in, I let 'er rip. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTTTTTTT... BRUUUTT... BRUT... BRut. I swear if I was bare assed and sitting on a piece of construction paper, I would have ripped that shit in half off the strength of my gas *pause*.

I'm grinning ear to ear as I watch the elevator LED display read 5th Floor... 4th Floor...

DING!




My grin instantly fades. Shit. Somebody is going to enter.

It's my co-worker. A co-worker that is equivalent to a manager. Damnit.

"Hello, Arthur."

I muster out a "Hey, how's it goin'?" before we just stand there, reveling in the wondrous, poisonous scent that is Arthur Fart. Awkward. Seemed like it took forever to hit the 1st floor.

"Have a good day!" ... "Thanks Arthur, you too."

Needless to say, I left with the quickness.

At the end of the day though, you just gotta laugh at it -- man... whatever hahahahah. That's just life for you. Well Arthur's life, I don't know.

Take it easy, ya'll.

Guess who I met?

My parents computer broke. I have to fix it. Long story short, I had to Fry's to find a replacement video card...

I head to Fry's with my brosef Christian with the old video card in hand because I really had no idea what kinda card the old compoodah used. In reality, I was just too lazy. But, I don't give a pho fuk lai bout that shiet.

Outside of Fry's we see this big semi truck. There's people milling about and some guys with some digital cameras posted up...

Fry Guy (lol am I funny yet or wut...): Hey do you want your picture taken with The Hulk!?

Me (with a boner): uh ... YES!

Christian: ...

Fry Guy: ALRIGHT! Do your best HULK POSE!

Me: Nah. I gotta different pose! *does the pose*

Christian: ...

Fry Guy: *Chuckles, then takes the picture*

After my boner died down (no homo?), we found a new card. Ended up I needed more components for it to work. Ended up returning it. Ended up just buying a whole new computer. St-stuntin is a habit.

At least I got to say "suck it" with the Hulk.

I got that work!

Today was the first day of workie work. I woke up at 5:40, which is extremely early for me. Like for the past, I don't know 7 months or whatever I have been going to bed around 3-4 o'clock in the morning and waking up at 12 or whatever time my class starts. So it was fkn hard to goto sleep at 11:300 or whatever. I was just like laying there...for like 2 hours.

Gr8.

So I get to work and I get my bo$$ badge, get everything situated, my morale was high -- I just got reunited with my old co-workers, everything was going smooth, it was nice. I'm ready to work!

So I go to log onto my laptop and try to log onto Windows. YES LETS GO!!!!

Error message.

It won't let me change my password. I call Help Desk ... "Keep trying periodically, but usually it takes 24 hours to work... so check back on it Monday."



Damnit. I can't work.. for the... next 7.5 hours? Like maybe it's just me but I would prefer working hard and learning than just sitting there not doing anything. Well, I did some things...

I attended a staff meeting for an hour, that was pretty kewl.

I read the Wall Street Journal, Seattle Times, some other periodicals, and my reading book "Think and Grow Rich". It's kind of dry, but I'm interested in self-improvement books.

I counted how long of a password you can create. You know when you press Ctrl+Alt+Del to log on? You can make your password 128 characters, or was it 127? That's how many black circles you can make.

I was drinking water while walking and I spilled alot on my shirt. It was a light blue dress shirt too so you know that shit stood out hahah.

Other than that, it was pretty chill. I really hope I can start working though -- I like my job and keeping busy.

RANDOM NOTE: When I got home I took the biggest collective dookie ever!! Like, super big. It felt like a cleansing experience. Too much info, I know... but I don't give an uff. If you want to see it tho, I took a picture here.

hahahahah

Take it ez!

Smells like Chimmychangas!

Last Saturday I went to the club -- War Room in Seattle with Muriel and her cousin to meet up with some of my old friends. Here's some pika-chars...!




Looks like a good time right? Well yeah for the most part -- but shit that place was crowded like hayyylll as you can see from the first pic. Anyway, we're chillin and Muriel and her cousin Hera goes to get me a drink (lol tanx baby) so I'm sitting down saving their seats with Hera's coat. Soon after, this guy starts slapping my back telling me to get up... I'm 'wtf dawg, wut's goin on??'. Then this smell of rotten Mexican food starts to seep into my nostrils. I stand up and look to my right...

I just got threw up on.

What.

The.

Fk.

The guy on the right of me just threw up on the seat and me. I'm heated. But he was part of the party (my friend Jordan's cousin's friends birthday, kinda have to concentrate on that one hahah), so I'm not going to act up.

So basically I'm like 'wowwwwwww' -- I'm walking around the club with throw up splattered on my ass (i dont know how) and pantleg smelling like a freaking Number 3 from Taco Bell with Fiesta Potatoes. I end up going to the bathroom and wiping myself down (halla @ me) I shortly find Muri and Hera. I say my good byes and we leave the club.

As we're walkin, Muri's like 'baby you know you're going to have to take off those pants when we drive home -- I don't want to gag.' Again, I'm like wowwwwwwwwww. At this point I don't care -- so we get to the car and I take of my pants (wipe me down, sup).

So there I am, sitting shotgun with my girlfriend and her cousin... in my underroos. It felt like all eyes were on me.

Halla.

But hey we went and got hotdogs that was great -- man it was one of the best hotdogs I've had, and I don't even like hotdogs.


You can see my sexy leg in the background -- I really didn't have any pants on. But anyway, we drop Hera off with her own special enchilada smelling jacket and we go back to Muri's house, where she proceded to wash my jeans and sweater (thx baby again ;]) and we just fell alseep.

RANDOM STUFF THAT HAPPENED.
- Hera got my drink spilled on her and down her shirt and was about to smack-a-ho
- Two girls in front of our booth were shoving and about to fight. smack-a-hoes
- People that don't move in the club I wanna just Ric Flair back hand slap them in the throat

GOOD NIGHT!

Bonus -- This is where I learned all my dance moves. Serious.



Take it ez y'all ;]

I Just Woke Up

I had this weird dream -- It was so vivid and I didn't want to wake up. The only reason I woke up is because my cell phone was blowing up. But anyway...

I was at this Thai food place getting my food, when I saw one of the workers was the mom of one of my friends from elementary school (wtf?). She's like "Hey Arthur I'm a bus driver also, just get into my bus and I can take the food to you and take you home." I'm like "ok".

...I'm a dumbass.



So I'm sitting on the bus and my friend's mom comes on with the food and starts driving the bus around. We driving and driving and finally she says "WE'RE HERE". By this point I'm like eff it I just want to get off this bus. So I step out the bus and she speeds off..

It's not my house. wtf.

So I'm stranded in the middle of nowhere in front of this yellow ass house and I don't know what to do. What would a boss do?

I went inside. hahah

Nobody was home. I went around, ended up in the kitchen and ended up taking 2 caramel and toffee cookies (the dream was vivid i told you) and started dancing because I was so happy. Like this



I left and just started running and running, I looked at the road names, and it was not even close to around my house. Time passes and nightfalls....

By this time I'm getting desperate -- hopping fences and all that. Then Clint Eastwood or some old actor pops up and he's like, "Hey come inside, I can help you". I'm like "ok".

Again I'm a dumbass.

So we talk and shiz and yeah his eyes messed up for some reason. His son and wife come in and what do you know, the wife is the fkn bus driver from before. I was going to be like "bitch where's my phad se ew" and beat some serious ass right then and there I swear, but then I found out that they are actually pretty effed up people -- they torture people until they are on the very brink of death then actually make dolls out of their body parts.

They made dolls out of people that were still alive. Clint Eastwood wow.



I jumped through the window and landed right on top of the fences and started running on top of them like a ninja (I'm a boss) they started chasing me but I'm too fast too furious.

I ended up in this backyard, anddddd some dogs tried to attack me. I kicked the first one square in the face I swear that dog got that sweet chin music. The 2nd dog was just this big ass blue dog and just stood there. I freaking slapped him like 3 times HELLA HARD, and it just stood there. So I fought the 3rd dog, I basically beat its ass like this



I jump the fence into the next yard.

Next yard was like a 2 story house but it was like cut in half -- like you could see the people in it and everything. But yeah there were two lines of people on the 2nd floor wearin freaking basketball practice jerseys or something and they were just falling down face first on the concrete then getting up and doing it again. Somebody said something about "falling training".

Weirdos.

So I'm running and daylight comes -- I find myself in a parking garage and these 3 asian kids were walking and I'm like "yo let me use your phone". Off course since I'm so sexy (no homo) he obliges.

But for some reason I could not dial my home phone for the life of me. You know how you have that memory in your fingers where you don't even have to look at the buttons but you still dial the right number. I kept on doing that and I kept fucking up. The reason why is because his numbers were all in different places.

This dreams weird.

So that's when I woke up to my cell phone.

Damn.

Now I'm just chiewing (chilling)

Schnoz the Nosehair

Last night I was at target with my grrrl pren Muriel.

Everything was going good, we were just walking around before they closed, my legs were so sore and my tummy was filled with err & err's (L&L's) so of course I was content.

Suddenly Muriel starts putting her hands on my face and I'm like, "What the heck [marlon brothers] stoppp it [/marlon brothers], I know my face is beautiful but you don't gotta touch it all the time -- im breaking out!"

(not really)

But yeah she's like hold on you have something on your nose. Turns out it won't move. She's like what the hell, it won't come off. She hands me her reflective cell phone cover (which she thinks is boater, I'm like whatever) and I look at it.

Guess what it was.

It was a uffing nosehair.

What.

The.

Fuk.

Well me and Muriel have been together for almost 2 years now, and nothing like this has ever happened. But we have such a relationship where we fart, burp, do whatever, tickle our feet, collect butterflies. (haha sorry to put you on blast baby) So it's not a big deal.

So I proceed to pluck this beyotch.

Ow.

Turns out this thing is a freaking monster. So I proceed to befriend it, name it, and make it my pet. It's name is Schnoz.

I know its kind of disgusting somewhat, but you know what? That's just the way I am -- I'm very laid back and love to smile and laugh at things, even if they do make me look queer or odd. I don't care.

So now that's out of the way, this is what everybody's been waiting for. PIXXX!!!!






I put a penny for size comparison -- holy shit it's the same diameter.

This just goes to show how much of a boss I am -- even my nose hair is big. You know what that means? Heh Heh Heh... *nudge nudge*

...

Means I have big boogers. What were you thinking HM?? ;]

Well okay I'm going to go lift weights, cya later luv u bai