Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Do I look like a criminal?

I'm a nice guy. I also like to think that I am not an unsavory person -- a good Samaritan if you will.

Wasn't the case last weekend.

Went to get sushi in Canada on Saturday with a few of my friends. I always get an uneasy feeling when crossing the Canadian border. In my head I'm like, "o shit o shit o shit o shit" while my exterior is calm and composed. Answer the questions with a firm, confident voice and boom... your're in all-the-sushi-you-can-cram-into-your-face heaven.

Didn't work this time.

At the end of the conversation, the border patrol guy said, "pull over to the side bitch-made-trick-ass-mark-ass-biatch-shut-up." Nah but he really did say pull over to the side...

Don't even know what made him do it. But I guess six dudes in a soccer mom mini-van looks pretty intimidating, huh? (pfft.)

I mean, I don't think I look like a criminal... but I guess it didn't matter because I also ended up getting pulled over after sushi and having to take a field sobriety test.

What the fuck.

Officer said I had a broken tail light. Whatever. I was fine with taking the test -- I only had one drink swimming around 123898 pounds of salmon and rice in my belly. I was shaking like crazy after because I've never been pulled over before (knock on my wood, pause).. so this was a new experience.

But really, how could this happen to Arthur!? I'm a good Samaritan! I live with my mama!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Blogging Rhythm

My blogging rhythm has been off. I blame last week.

Last week I worked an INSANE amount -- at least from what I'm used to. I worked about ~13+ hours a day on average and had to add 2.5 hours due to commute. It would have been more but we were getting out so late that rush hour had already died long ago.

That whole week, I literally barely saw the light.

Woke up at 5AM, meet my co-worker to carpool, actually arrive at the audit site at 7AM, then work straight until 7-9PM until we had to drive another 1.5 hours back home...

I mean, I really really like my job. I also really really like life. Keeping work and life separated is something I definitely want to preserve -- I commend ya'll work-a-holics but that just isn't me.

You might say, "Arthur but you're going to get paaaaaid!" You know what, you're right. Sure, I make some extra money... but at the same time, I was missing out on time with my family and friends -- I wouldn't want to make that trade on a regular basis.

Anyway, I got on a tangent. Long story short, I haven't been blogging because I've been busy with work and now I'll be back to blogging regularly.

Hopefully ;]

Monday, May 3, 2010

I am a Rude Boy

I don't care what you think, I like Rhianna - Rude Boy.

I don't know why, but it's SUPER catchy to me for some reason. When I hear this on the radio on my way home or to work, I get like... hypnotized and put in a trance. I get all excited and shit *pause*. It doesn't help that it's about her getting smashed by a big enough ding-a-ling (by her standards). And if you have haven't seen how beat up it is... check this out -- be forewarned, this is not work safe! Tell me she hasn't had a few 'rude boys' in her life. I mean, check out some of the lyrics...

"Come on rude boy, boy
Can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough?
Take it, take it
Baby, baby
Take it, take it
Love me, love me"

... and my favorite *pause for the 'boy' part*,

"Do you like it boy?
I wa-wa-want
What you wa-wa-want
Give it to me baby
Like boom, boom, boom
What I wa-wa-want
Is what you wa-wa-want
Na, na-aaaah"

C'monnnnn man... what is this? I feel disgusted yet entertained yet aroused at the same time. Got me feelin' like this...

...Shieeeeeeeet, I'm a rude boy.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Delonte West is the new Gucci Mane

Dudes has to be as high as an unidentified flying object.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Safeway at Night

Last night I went with my girlfriend to Safeway at around 11:30.

Weirdest checkout experience ever.

It wasn't the actual checkout that was weird, it was the people in the line and what they were buying. I remember each person vividly.
  •  Group of two girls who would get Pedobear's Stamp of Approval. They were buying like 10 packs of the same type of gum, I swear. Brushing your teeth in 2010 is out, cavities are in biatch! It was funny watching the clerk scan the same pack of gum like 92038 times.
  • The guy after them was buying two gallons of milk, both with different percentages of fat. At 11:30 at night. Maybe he wanted to compare fat densities of both. Maybe he ran outta milk for his Golden Grahams. Maybe he's a weirdo. I don't know. 
  • Next was this really quiet asian dude that was buying 1.99 dollar cinnamon buns. That's it. Did dude just wake up in the middle of the night and was "Damn I want creamy white stuff in my mouth?" *pause* then went and drove to Safeway? I ain't mad -- he gettin' in those buns.
  • Dude behind us bought like a footlong sandwich and floss. His homie was buying two 24-packs of beer -- one was Pabst and one was Rolling Rock. Flossing teeth party?
  • Next was two dudes again, but one was wearing black leather pants -- swag on super high. Doesn't mean that I won't SMH at him though. They were having a deep discussion in line, while buying beer also. I don't wanna know what that night led to.
You may be saying, "Arthur, you're so mean! What did you buy, you asshole!?" Contact solution and a toothbrush, you know, regular stuff.. so sit on it! Plus IDGAF.

Safeway at night, that's wsup.