Why do I drink alcohol?

Woke up this morning a tad hungover.

I hate feeling hungover.

As I was sitting there seeping out the countless amounts of Tanqueray and orange juice I drank from last night through all my pores due to the damn heat, I asked myself 'Why do I drink alcohol?'

Damn.


This was a valid question. I sat perplexed for an hour thinking to myself while an early broadcast of the 'Bumpits' informercial droned on in the background.

Wanting to get to the bottom of this, I brainstormed a list in my head as I drove home from Seattle in my minivan. Let's point out the PROS and CONS...

CONS
- impedes my goal of losing weight/gaining muscle. (I'm super buff -- trust me)
- potentially can be a super asshole and hurt people's feelings. (sometimes)
- potentially can do stupid shit and/or things I'll regret later. (beer goggles are dangerous)
- potentially can black out, get spins, urinate off the balcony of my house, proceed to throw up on my clothes, then lay down on said balcony and go to sleep. (never happened)

PROS
- I'm drunk.
- lose 5+ pounds due to the inevitable, monstrous, yet relieving, poo poo the morning after. (too much information for you? You read it anyway, neener neener)

From my awesome list, it is clearly visible that the CONS have outweighed the PROS. Due to this surprising result, I will ween myself from drinking alcohol and only reserve consumption of sweet ambrosia for the occasional need to ... as some would say, 'to get crunk'.

For now. ;]