Do I look like a criminal?

I'm a nice guy. I also like to think that I am not an unsavory person -- a good Samaritan if you will.

Wasn't the case last weekend.

Went to get sushi in Canada on Saturday with a few of my friends. I always get an uneasy feeling when crossing the Canadian border. In my head I'm like, "o shit o shit o shit o shit" while my exterior is calm and composed. Answer the questions with a firm, confident voice and boom... your're in all-the-sushi-you-can-cram-into-your-face heaven.

Didn't work this time.

At the end of the conversation, the border patrol guy said, "pull over to the side bitch-made-trick-ass-mark-ass-biatch-shut-up." Nah but he really did say pull over to the side...

Don't even know what made him do it. But I guess six dudes in a soccer mom mini-van looks pretty intimidating, huh? (pfft.)

I mean, I don't think I look like a criminal... but I guess it didn't matter because I also ended up getting pulled over after sushi and having to take a field sobriety test.

What the fuck.

Officer said I had a broken tail light. Whatever. I was fine with taking the test -- I only had one drink swimming around 123898 pounds of salmon and rice in my belly. I was shaking like crazy after because I've never been pulled over before (knock on my wood, pause).. so this was a new experience.

But really, how could this happen to Arthur!? I'm a good Samaritan! I live with my mama!