Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Nickname in Elementary School

With a name like Arthur James, growing up I had alot of nicknames -- AJ, Jamie, Age (pronounce AJ), Sexy Ass 7 Year Old... you name it!

These monikers were good, but the best nicknames that I've ever received came from elementary school. I got the standard James and the Giant Peach and James Bond... but there was one nickname in particular that I'll never forget...

5th Grade, Mr. Howell's class. The classroom smelled of sweaty kids, armpit, and feet -- basically like the ballpit at McDonalds.

Mr. Howell was droning on about the results of some assignment while me and the rest of the kids either squirmed around in our chairs, passed notes, or slept. I wasn't worried about the homework because I was little smarty pants back then (maybe still am?), I was just desperately waiting for the top of the hour to roll by so we could go out to recess.

2 o' clock hits and we're free! I pick up the basketball and jet out the door.

But wait, I got this fart coming on. Thinking to myself, "Hehe I'll let it out and let all my classmates smell it while they leave the ballpit smelling classroom." Boy was I wrong...

It wasn't a fart. I pooped my pants.

My eyes widen from the sudden soiling of my underwear and the feel of feces nestled between my cheeks. I slow down to a halt. I then proceed to post up with my back on a nearby brick wall.


I then start walking to the school office -- I need to call my mama. My friends started to call out to me...
"Hey James! Where are you going? I thought we were playing basketball."
"I poo'd my pants."
"I poo'd my pants!!!!"

Hilarity ensued. Jerks.

I threw them the basketball and proceeded to go to the principals office to call my mommie for a fresh pair of white on whites -- Whitey Tighties.

Word got out, and this is how I got my most memorable nickname..

Hershey Squirt.


  1. I like this story. It was almost as funny as your story about pee-peeing your pants freshman year in the car when your dad was picking you up.

    Yes I read your famous blogs, keep rollin w/ the funny stories!