Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Corporate Life: The 2 worst times to take a deuce (lol get it?)

Going poo at work is a mixed bag -- you get to relieve yourself and feel great after, but...you're still taking a deucer at work/in public. This is amplified when you start working in corporate, where bathrooms are big, toilets are aplenty, and there's many people milling around... that will do their business inevitably some time of the day.

I'm going to help you out -- I'm going to tell you when are the best times to go number 2. It's simple: when nobody is around.

Since it's pretty much impossible to figure out when nobody is around, I find it much easier to just point out the WORST times to handle your business.

1. In the morning.

This is one of theeeee most horrible times to drop the kids at the pool. I swear. Do you know how many people drink coffee, ESPECIALLY corporate people who have to be at work early in the morning? Do you know what coffee does to you? Well I do -- it makes me want to take a big shit. Cot damn. This is why I don't drink coffee anymore (plus I'm using Crest White strips so I can't be messing that up, halla @ me).

If you have to go in the morning, might as well pinch your cheeks, exit left and wait awhile.

2. After lunch.

I've made my observations -- EVERY time I have to go after lunch I do one of these.

EVERY time, EVERY stall is taken. EVERY. EVERY. EVERY. Maybe it was taco salad day, or pork and beans day, or somebody spiked the coke machine with ex-lax.. I don't know. But yeah, don't waste your time. Well, you COULD get lucky. Probably not.

Well now I've passed on some wisdom. Hopefully your entrails emptying endeavors go well, and your bowel movements are now moving. Good luck!

And to people that are disgusted by this stuff: it's my blog! Plus its just poop. Everybody does it. Even hottie bombo latties (like me, no homo + halla @ me).


  1. so how are you supposed to know when nobody is around??? just don't go poo in the morning or after lunch?

  2. just go in there and see if theres any feet poking out.


  3. i go right when i wake up, its the best way to start the day. or you can try finding the secret bathroom on your facility. the one where nobody goes.

  4. i dont feel the urge to go poo in the morning

    i just feel my morning wood boner (no homo)

  5. This man speaks the truth, lol.