Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Handshake Debacle

I want to shed light on perhaps one of the more awkward things that happens amongst young males -- the casual handshake. You won't find many male/female interactions of this nature -- usually those interactions involve hugs (#inthere), kisses on the lips (#mybodyisready), feeling of breasts (#igab), etc.

But I digress, allow me to disect this handshake debacle.

The Dap
Follow the picture to showcase camaraderie between friends via dap. There are many variations of this -- some point at each other like a gun, some grasp just the fingers, some play a game of patty cake...

...then some like to intertwine legs, smile, and point at each other when they find out the baby isn't theirs (true friendship!)

The Pound
The pound starts out like the dap but instead of interlocking fingers, each persons hands slide away and then fist pound each other -- clearly showing how rock solid your friendship is and how kewl you both are.

The Debacle
The differences between these handshakes is what creates this debacle -- is he going to high-five me? Is he going to dap me? Is he going to pound me? *pause*

I swear it's almost like a game of rock-paper-scissors. One false step and one is left stranded grasping air, both parties feeling awkward. To exacerbate the situation, some people may even just fist pound straight up... putting others reactions to the test.
Some react different than others
With the situation explained, I will offer some solutions. These have been field-tested and Arthur Approved (srs).

  • Make your intentions super obvious. You can do this by initial hand position (pointed up = dap, pointed down = finger dap, pointed straight ahead = slide and pound, hand up high = high five). Shit, announce it before hand if you want. "Pound me brah!" *pause*
  • Go for the regular businessman handshake. You can't really go wrong here. Actually nevermind, you can -- I have had handshakes where they close their hand too early and only grab my fingers AKA make you feel like a biatch.
  • Judge the person. I don't condone judging people but if worst comes to worst, there's an unsaid rule: minorities will usually dap while caucasians will usually fist pound. To be honest, for the most part this is true. Use this information at your discretion brah.
  • Hug. Yes, I hug some of my guy friends #donjudgeme #comeatmebro
I can't believe I wrote all this out, but whatever -- I wish you all well in your future handshake interactions.